My Reaction – Episode 1 of Pregnant In Heels
So the old cat is out of the bag (nasty phrase by the way, but after being dragged back through the fertility rollercoaster I can’t think of another): now that Pregnant in Heels has premiered on Bravo, it is now known that I am not in fact a fertile Myrtle, despite having a career built on all things conception and baby-related!
As you all know reality TV is pretty invasive (shocker, not sure why I am telling you this, but it is late and I seem to be qualifying everything with parentheses…my high-school English teacher is stirring in her sleep) and viewers expect to get a glimpse, or perhaps less of a glimpse and more of a gigantic glance, at one’s personal life.
I decided that the part of my personal life I was willing to put on TV was perhaps as intimate as one can get – the story of my fertility or, I should say, lack thereof! I am sure I am going to take some heat (again with the silly sayings) for this but let me explain my decision: I think fertility issues are an incredibly tough thing to talk about, especially when you’re in the thick of it, yet so many people experience it at some level or know people that have. Whether it’s having a harder time getting pregnant than you had imagined, suffering one or more miscarriages, experiencing complications during pregnancy, carrying a high-risk pregnancy or dealing with full blown infertility (and I have experienced all of the above, as if my career choice prompted fate to play some sick joke on my lady tubes), the road to parenthood can be riddled with complications. I felt as though not telling this portion of my story would be withholding a huge part of who I am and why I love what I do. I hope my candor about my journey to parenthood will help people in some way with their own journeys.
Regardless of this decision, watching myself go through the injections on the first episode of Pregnant in Heels was not easy – I was of course surrounded by gazillions of people at our premiere and turned a beet red (not sure who was more uncomfortable, them or me?!). I thought I’d just breeze right through the scenes considering I am now so lucky to have two beautiful healthy sons and I know this story has a happy ending, but somehow I got so stuck in the moment again.
Watching those scenes took me right back to the despair and complete lack of control I felt for many of the weeks during filming. IVF is not something you dabble in for a few injections everyday; it is something that consumed my entire life. Every morning I’d wake up and go to the clinic to have my blood tested and eggs watched to see if they were near maturity and ready to be fertilized. Every day I would undergo numerous injections. And every night I would wonder how much closer we were to having another little one. When this process that normally happens so unbeknownst to us is studied with such intricate detail it is hard to stop obsessing about it.
Each day is filled with so many unnecessary triumphs and failures all pegged to a few words I might hear in the morning from the doctor that happened to be on the early shift. Sometimes I’d get a doc with a brilliant bedside manner who’d report “Oh yes, lovely, these eggs are looking great, good job, see you tomorrow,” as if I actually had something to do with their wondrous progress that day. And off I’d skip as if my eggs had just won some award and things were looking up that day.
Other days I’d get “Oh, not growing as fast we’d hope. See you tomorrow.” This would send me into a spiral of despair and out I’d go, dragging my feet, convinced all of my eggs had given up and decided to pack up shop, shrivel up and retire on the Costa del Sol with the other aging Brits.
I don’t think these doctors realized that statements were the key to my entire day and of course I was too much of a masochist to actually ask them to explain their comments so as not to make or break my entire day. Alas, this pretty much sums up each of the approximately 14 days during my cycle that I was required to go to these morning torture sessions.
Even better were the days that they’d call my name and someone would recognize it. Favorite comment from the darling sitting next to me: “Oh, that must be like being a chef but not being able to eat your own food.” Yep, just because we were all in the clinic together didn’t necessarily mean we were all hugging each other and signing Kumbaya.
So for me the IVF process continued like this with daily monitoring, each day leading hopefully closer to the day they actually take the eggs out and fertilize them to be transferred back as embryos. Looking back there were only a few weeks every cycle of injections, but at the time it felt like eternity.
Let me just take a moment here before signing off. I realize that, as usual, I am hiding behind humor to avoid really discussing the agony of this experience. In a perfect world nobody should be denied the ability to have a child and to experience the unparalleled joy that being a parent brings. Yet infertility slapped me in the face and left me sitting for so many hours in our bathroom crying on the edge of the toilet seat or in the shower hoping the sound of the water would muffle my sobbing.
It is amazing to me even now that I pretend I could handle the whole thing with a few laughs and some jokes, but really I think I am still scared by the experience both literally and figuratively. Every time I look down at my belly the scars of infertility literally stare back up at me as I look at the ones I received as a result of an emergency pregnancy-related operation. But nothing runs as deep as the moments I shared with my husband following a negative pregnancy test result.
I am brought back to reality when I stare at my sons but to think I came so close to not having them, to think of all the other stories people have shared with me, I am humbled by the women and men, the warriors that they are in their determination and strength on the road to parenthood and in parenthood. I am 31 but in the face of this I am older than I ever imagined I would be. And so the journey continues.
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Loved the show!!…although, yes, I agree with a previous poster that your clientele is WAY out of touch with the majority of us…but that is what makes great reality TV, isn’t it? As for the comment regarding adoption, viewing adoption as the only choice for infertile couples is as ridiculous as thinking infertility is the result of selfish actions! I think adoption is a great choice, but it is just that, one option for the infertile. That route is fine for some people (great, even), but it is not wrong to want to carry, deliver, and raise your own child!!! Certainly that desire does not cause infertility! Anyone that has struggled with infertility issues can attest to what a heartbreaking roller coaster of emotions, not to mention a financial drain, the entire process is. The physical, emotional, and financial demands of infertility are more intense than most people realize, and the personal sacrifices one makes just for a chance to have a child are in no way selfish! Adoption is a wonderful and selfless thing, but that doesn’t mean all couples should adopt. Plus, adoption is considerably more expensive than most infertility treatments, and I doubt very seriously that most women who so desperately want to be mothers view needy orphans as inhumane! I would have been happy to adopt, if my options with assited reproductive technology didn’t work out. Nothing wrong with going through steps 1and 2 before jumping to step 3! (Sorry for the rant, I was just a little offended by the harsh ‘if you don’t adopt you are mean and stupid’ comment!) Because so many struggle with infertility, I applaud your desire to share your experience, especially in your line of work. I enjoyed the show, and I hope you get more positive comments than negative ones!
Rosie, I LOVE your show! And I think you are a strong, amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your personal story with all of us. We all have our struggles in life & it is good to know that we can help & support one another. I was working in a radiologists office as a secretary when my husband & I lost our first child. I had a very difficult time with all the pregnant Moms coming in for their ultrasounds, especially when I knew they were miscarrying like I had. One day I heard my co-workers discussing a Mom who was crippled with pain as her husband took her in & out of the bathroom, they were not saying very nice things. I finally spoke up & told them that she was not only experiencing the physical pain, but the emotional pain of her baby leaving her body & maybe they should offer her some comfort instead of their judgement. They immediately apologized to me & went to see if they could rush her into the ultrasound room. With my second pregnancy I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder that attacked the platelets in my blood. I was in the Heamatologist/Oncologists office 2-3 times a week the entire pregnancy. I so admired the nurses who took care of me. After my husband was diagnosed with cancer a couple years later I went back to school & got my license as a Registered Nurse. We had 3 beautiful healthy children & I had an amazing job. I started in Perinatal/Labor & Delivery, but soon moved to Oncology. People thought I was leaving a happy job for a sad one, but where I worked was a high risk area & we lost pre-term babies often. And in Oncology there are many happy times! Cancer is becoming more of a chronic disease & many people are beating the disease compared to years ago. I was so blessed to have those patients in my lives! It was the first time in my life I was excited to get up & go to work. Sadly, I have not been able to work for the last 3 years due to my own health issues. Financially my husband & I are doing very poorly. My doctors recommend a move south for me, so we are praying it brings a better quality of life. I still pray I get back to working in Oncology, but I would love to be there for parents & their children this time. Right now I am trying to see what God’s blessings are in my life, & he has blessed me with the chance to spend time with my children before they are grown-up & in college. I was never the stay-at-home Mom type before, but this has made me slow down & pay attention & see that they really want me home. They don’t care about the big house or the fancy cars, not that we had them anyway! My prayers now are that we do not loose everything & can stay afloat, so they can be taken care of in the best way possible. Cars & college are just around the corner for the older 2 kids, I cannot believe it! They have done so much to help me these last few years, I don’t know where I’d be without them! Thank you for your blog & show to remind me that in the end all that really matters is your family! God bless you & your family, Rosie! Happy spring! xoxo
I just watched your show “Pregnant in Heels” and was a little disturbed by it. You have great idea’s , however the people on your show are ridiculous. They do not even represent 1% of the American population. I currently have a newborn in the NICU who was born at 24 weeks weighing 1 Pound 5 0z. She has been there three months now and is fighting for her life. Watching your show actually made me sick to my stomach knowing that these kind of women would be represented on TV. Just because they have money does not make them worth anything. I am an RN who works in the ICU myself and witnesses life changing experiences on a daily basis. Your intentions and knowledge appear genuine, however the people your are representing to everyone else, basically do not relate, especially during these slow economic times.
Rosie you are a blessing. The only bit of class I have seen on bravo ever! If the cut your season short they are nuts! Congrats on the premiere. In the first show I saw your pain trying to get pregnant. I understood you only have one son from your first episode. But reading online Bio it says you are the proud parent of two. I hope that means your dream came true! If you dream for more I hope it works out for you. I never way h shows religiously but I plan to now. Maybe one day I can work with you.
I just finished watching your show, which lead me to your blog. I appreciate your candor about your infertility. I went through two years of treatments before getting pregnant with my first, and I’m now about to start treatments again with the hope that it will work for a second time. I know first hand how difficult the process is, and it’s refreshing to see you talk about it so openly and honestly. Thank you for that!
I am a busy mom of a 16 month old baby boy and also a doctor (MD). I watched your show today and I loved it. Hearing you talking about your bicornuate uterus really touched me, because when I got unexpectedly pregnant I also learned that I had one. My pregnancy was uneventful but my delivery was very very complicated. Now. My husband and I are thinking about baby #2, and I am very scare. I just wanted to say congratulations for your show, I hope everything works out with your IVF and I hope to visit your store within the next year while expecting baby #2. All the best
I’m going through my first cycle of IVF. When I started watching your show my husband wanted me to turn it off, thinking that watching pregnant women would just make me sad. I have to say, that when I saw the scene of you getting an injection, it made me burst into tears. You rarely see IVF in the mainstream media. It’s an incredibly lonely experience and I thank you for shedding some light on the emotional side.
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Give us a break – just adopt. Your selfishness is what is causing your problem, when there are thousands of children in the world who need a home and you are too selfish to even consider them human enough to be your children.
I just watched the premiere of your show and I was practically jumping with joy when you started talking about your infertility troubles. NOT because I think anyone should have to go through it, but because NO ONE ever talks openly about infertility. It is such and intimate and taboo topic and I think more people should be brave like you and start talking about it. If you haven’t already guessed, I too am going through infertility (trying to conceive our first) and it has been the most depressing, lonely, and heartbreaking experience. I applaud you for speaking out about it and opening up your personal life to all of us. Hopefully more people will follow in your footsteps.
@KEESSARY- First let me say I understand how hard it is to have a baby in the NICU…I had three. You have to remember though you were watching the Bravo network which more often than not is filming the 1% of America with obscene amounts of money that the other 99% of us do not have. I do understand your frustration with the show I felt similar at first, then I remembered I was watching Bravo. That’s what they do. If you are looking to see more of the everyday person watch TLC shows. For me watching Bravo makes me feel better about myself because I realize what’s important in life and appreciate it. I feeel like many of the characters on some of their shows are really sad people inside and have no idea what it means to live life in a positive fashion. I LOVE the fact that Rosie understands her clients are unconventional to say the least. I think she has a great thing going where she gives these people a glimpse of their insanity and reels them in a bit.
I am so glad you gave the world a chance to see what it’s like…IVF that is. I have always been one to openly speak about my problems with fertility because if I can help just one person I feel I have accomplished something. Anyone who has dealt with or is currtently dealing with it knows there is an empty feeling of longing and feelings of inadquacy. I think so many keep their feelings to themselves because they are afraid of getting comments like that from Melly below saying just adopt or some negative comment. After four failed IVF cycles I finally had a successful cycle result in three little miracles!!!! As I told myself daily, (though I didn’t always believe it) ” the harder the road the more glorious the reward.” Thank you for sharing with us. I will continue to watch Pregnant in Heels because I think you are giving these women something special!!
Rosie – I absolutely LOVED the show. I’m very excited to finally find a show that I don’t feel bad for watching. I love your candor. Keep up the great work. I can’t wait to see all of the episodes!
Rosie, I’m so happy for you that things turned out well in the end. I also had a “heart shapped” uterus (You are the only other person I’ve heard of to have one as well). I was blessed to have had my condition discovered before I had attempted to get pregnant. I ended up having a surgery done here in NYC through Columbia Infertility and had absolutely no complications afterwards and carried to within one week of my due date — amazing since before the surgery they thought for sure I would miscarry and have all sorts of complications. My son is now 9 months old and healthy as can be. Incredible that modern medicine could give us the families we’ve dreamed of. Blessings to yours!
Rosie, I admire your bravery. I just watched your first episode that I had recorded on my tivo. I dont have any children but would love to be a mommy. I havent been actively trying to get pregnant but havent stopped it either with hopes that it would happen. I am also 31 and feeling its time. I have so many people around me that are so irresponsible and some are just down right ignorant and yet they get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I have friends that have cheated on their husbands and get pregnant and so easily have an abortion so they arent caught. I have adopted the phrase that all the stupid people in the world are reproducing more stupid people but after watching your show I thought even people with money are stupid. I was disheartened by Sarah and Jon saying that a baby is a life sucking parasite and I felt for you working with people with that view when you were experiencing infertility. I can only imagine how hard that was for you. I was really inspired at the way you kept your integrity and helped them. I truly believe you showed them what a miracle a baby is. I was so happy to see that in the end, baby Fox was their center of attention and the blind folds were taking off their eyes. I agree with the post above mine that the people on your show are proving ridiculous but its very inspiring to see how you are helping these people and the results are phenomenal. Your concierge service is so brilliant. Thank you for sharing.
I didn’t watch your show, but many of my friends did and I am so grateful that you are showing IVF on it! I am going through IVF now, in the rollercoaster of doctor visits and my friends now have a better understanding! Thank you so much. And to Melly – if there are so many children, why don’t YOU adopt? You clearly have no idea of the pain and heartache associated with not being able to conceive your own child when you want to – something that is supposed to come naturally. Infertility is a disease and you should be ashamed at your lack of compassion.
Looking forward to the next episode! Not to be mean to your clients, but most of the show had me laughing in tears – they are so over-the-top! You’re the part that made the show work, though, since you seem so grounded. Thanks, also, for being open about your IVF struggles. We went through 5 rounds of IVF and then got lucky on a break (boy, do I feel like a sterotype).
Hi Rose, L.O.V.E.D. the premier. I couldn’t stop laughing – your clients are over the top. But that what makes it interesting. and quite frankly there is an element of truth even in the absurd, naming a baby or getting prepared for the first time to have your life turned upside down. I too went through an ordeal with IVF, live in the city, have a great husband and career. You think you can have it all but when infertility strikes it is a giant slap in the face. I felt sad, mad, cheated and them some. The comment about adoption is very flip. We reached a stage were we were ready to adopt, but having a baby of your own is a very primal thing. And it takes time to get there. Unfortunately, you have to go through many injections and and eventually time starts to erase your hopes and dreams. We gave it one more go, and thanks to Cornell I’m three weeks away from delivering boy/girl twins. It’s been a high risk pregnancy because of my age, but all has gone well. I just wish your show was on sooner so I could laugh at how crazy we all get when our hormones are on overdrive!! Congrats on your new baby! Can’t wait for episode #2.
I just want to repeat the sentiments that have already been expressed. Thank you so much for being willing to talk about your struggle with fertility. Too often it is treated like a taboo, shameful thing. I have been through many serious hardships in my life but nothing has compared the heartache and emotional drain of trying unsuccessfully to have a baby. It’s been a three year struggle and I’ve been through the ringer, including multiple miscarriages. Of course, the adoption comment is ignorant and just uninformed. My husband and I would have loved to have adopted. One thing I think people don’t realize is that adoption costs tens of thousands of dollars and even more importantly takes a minimum of a year and may take a few years. In addition, the adoption agencies make you sign something saying you won’t get pregnant during all of the time that you are waiting. If you do, you won’t be allowed to adopt, no matter how much time or money you’ve invested. We just weren’t willing to give up the hope that we could conceive or risk the devastation of it not working out. Happily we didn’t and I am three months into a pregnancy conceived by IUI. Thank you for sharing your life and looking forward to future episodes.
I cannot thank you enough for showing us all a piece of your private life and journey through IVF on Tuesdays episode. Please know that everyone in the infertility community (over 100 bloggers that I’m aware of at least!) are singing your praises. Thank you for being “our voice” and for showing the world what it’s like to struggle with IF on a daily basis. From one infertile myrtle to another – and from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Rosie.
I am currently pregnant for the second time and hoping that this time around I will have someone to bring home from the hospital with me. Seeing a little bit of your IVF journey on the premier made me cry. I have been fortunate to get pregnant without much assistance but completely understand your frustration and feelings of “why won’t this just @#%@ work like it seems to for everyone else.” Great show and congrats on your new son! -Lindsay
Rosie, thank you for being so open and honest on your show. I am absolutely loving every moment of it, and I can’t wait to follow for the rest of the season!!!
I too am on the IF rollercoaster. I am actually siting in the middle of my 2ww as I write this. I must admit I was taken a little off guard watching the first episode, when I saw you with that all too familiar pen giving yourself a shot. I have never commented on a blog before but I just wanted to thank you for being so brave to share this part of your life. Thanks Rosie!
Thank you so much for being so honest about your fertility treatment on national TV! It is a tough decision & I can say from experience it is not the easiest experience. We conceived using fertility drugs only to miscarry about 2 months later & were devastated. We are just not getting started on the fertility road again & of course it’s terrifying. I think if more women were honest with their struggles, like you have been, that we can all be support for each other & understand that it’s not something to be embarrassed or feel bad about. Many women go through these struggles. I was surprised to see your story in the first episode & have to say I cried knowing you had to go through your fertility all the while taking care of all these pregnant women! That must have been very tough for you & I admire how strong you are!
Thank you for posting about your IVF experience and challenges conceiving. It is very brave and touching. I think the other posts have mentioned this, but there are quite a few of us out here, struggling with similar situations. I’m beginning my first IVF round, and have been panicking about the injections. Seeing you handle it was insipring, I have to say. All the best to you! Love the show.
Rose- I’ve lost five children. One at almost five months. Needless to say, my pregnancy journey is at an end. This is something that took me a long time to come to terms with but in the run of it I will be someone’s parent. I start adoption screenings this week. I hope for the sake of potential parents less fortunate as I (to be able to even have alternatives such as adoption) that they are exposed and saturated with your positivity, humor, and candor in such a dark world as infertility. I am the face of infertility and you can be a supportive voice for the other faces that shine like mine- like your’s. You do a world of good with the reality of our stuggle finally in a very public view. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rosie, I too appreciate your candor and honesty in talking about infertility and I really enjoyed your post. You are so right, infertility is completely consuming and the doctor’s comments can totally send you over the edge. I’m currently 15 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with twins conceived through ivf using an egg donor and I am over the moon but it was a very long and hard road to get here. I remember my reproductive endocrinologist telling me, “you aren’t old but your eggs are old.” That hurt so much. And at other appointments hearing the doctor say, “oh, this doesn’t look good.”. Brutal honesty can truly be brutal. Not that we don’t have to face the truth but as you know we women going though fertility treatments are also going through a highly emotional roller coaster of a journey. I just want to thank you for being honest about your struggles. Congrats on baby Wells too and on the show! It really makes me laugh and is a lot of fun.
Wanda, what is your problem? You are all over this blog, spewing hatred. If you don’t like the show, don’t watch it! Why do you feel the need to be so incredibly nasty? Find something else to do with your life and spare the rest of us your toxic posts.
I absolutely love open discussions, debate and am open to criticism of the brand, myself and Pregnant In Heels…but we also want this to be a safe place for our readers to share their thoughts and feelings openly without fear or harassment by others. When someone crosses that line we sadly have to remove them from this community to respect and protect the other users here. We hope you understand. We have removed several comments and banned a user from this comment thread that we feel were inappropriate and attacked other readers. Best, Rosie
I absolutely love open discussions, debate and am open to criticism of the brand, myself and Pregnant In Heels…but we also want this to be a safe place for our readers to share their thoughts and feelings openly without fear or harassment by others. When someone crosses that line we sadly have to remove them from this community to respect and protect the other users here. We hope you understand. We have removed several comments and banned a user from this comment thread that we feel were inappropriate and attacked other readers. Best, Rosie
I was surprised at how good the show is.
Just watched Ep1- great concept, well done Rosie for finding a market and milking it- your clients have more dollars than sense which I love! The couple who called their son Bowen had better hope he never comes to Oz as there is a mango here called a Bowen mango named after the town of Bowen in Queensland where they are grown, so unbeknown to them, they have named their son after a fruit! Good luck with your future ventures and baby making
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