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Episode 2 of Pregnant In Heels – Bringing Sexy Back

Posted on April 13, 2011 at 12:17 am by Rosie Pope / Rosie's Reality

Well, talk about an episode of Pregnant in Heels just jammed full of awkwardness. With a focus on intimacy during pregnancy and scenes that include a sex therapist, an in depth discussion about poop and Daron giving a sperm donation for egg fertilization all in one episode, it is almost too much for even me to handle!

Now, if intimacy can be a struggle during pregnancy, try intimacy during IVF!  Let’s be honest here, it is hard to turn all those hormones and injections into an incredible desire to get all saucy, throw on some “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye (okay I just said that to make you laugh because I honestly can’t remember a time when Monsieur Gaye made me want to get jiggy with it), and have some hot baum chicka baum baum!  Quite the opposite in fact.

After months of sex that didn’t lead to pregnancy, all I felt like doing after the fertility shots was curling up with a large quantity of chocolate and watching some depressingly romantic movie or, even better, a large number of Law and Order episodes (an obsession for which I have no explanation!).

As if that wasn’t enough to dampen the old sex drive, we also had to deal with the ins and outs of the IVF process itself.  In addition to the home donation of sperm, Daron also had to do hospital donations and wow, did that get weird.  The strangest part was that I’d have to go with him because they’d collect his donation, immediately fertilize my eggs and then put them back into me, all in one fell swoop.  Let me just tell you that sitting in a waiting room while my husband was in some sterile suite, selecting porn and then providing a sample (all while I flicked through US Weekly) was not exactly how I had envisioned us having our second child.

It was always so hard for me to keep a straight face when he would return to the waiting room because clearly I couldn’t resist asking what he had chosen to watch,  probably just a little too loudly for the surrounding couples (all there, by the way, to give their very own donations, which added yet another level of awkwardness).   Then, when my name was finally called to go into the transfer room and have those lovely little embryos put back inside me, Daron was forced to wait outside!  So absurd that when we finally got to the intimate moment, essentially the act of conception (however unromantic it may have been), my hubby was left twiddling his thumbs in the waiting room!

You can only imagine the awkward conversation that would ensue between me and my doctor as he transferred the embryos.  I usually deferred to discussing the weather (oh, how British) and my doctor usually reverted to discussing the latest and greatest meal he had eaten (ahh, such sweet pillow talk!).

After the transfer Daron and I would go home and I’d lie motionless on my back.  This is where the humor would stop for me; at least, this was the time when I usually found it hard to make any more jokes.

We would always be given a picture of the fertilized embryos they were transferring (two at a time for me).  As I lay in bed I’d clutch the picture.  I suppose I was hoping that, in some way, staring at the cells would connect us and make implantation more likely.  It was so hard not to become attached to those embryos, starring at them for what seemed like an eternity, wishing, waiting to fall asleep so I could get up the next day and throw myself into work and try not to think about what was happening until the inevitable blood tests and doctor calls to discuss whether I was actually pregnant or not.

The problem with lying alone like that, staring at pictures of my embryos, is that I would go from talking to myself, to talking to the embryos, to singing some crazy “Just implant yourself” funny, yet really rather sad, song, to completely losing it and lying there in tears. As I would lay there crying, all I could think was that getting this stressed was probably not helping implantation.  This would of course cause me to cry more, in a vicious cycle that continued until at long last I would fall asleep.

When thinking back on that experience, it is amazing to think that all of that could also be accomplished with one single act of intimacy (if the old fashioned way works for you, that is).  Ahhhh, intimacy sounds oh so less awkward of a subject now; in fact it sounds positively easy.  So in the spirit of ease, I encourage you to keep the intimacy going, as it is so important for the happiness and longevity of your relationship, not to mention your own sanity.  And what is not to love about Monsieur Gaye?!

 

12 Comments

  1. mpspotlight

    April 13, 2011 - 3:58 am

    You are so inspiring ! Not to mention supper funny, you are very relate-able. I never miss an episode !

  2. Tenley midwife

    April 13, 2011 - 3:37 pm

    I am a midwife,who specializes in home birth, as I feel birth is THE most natural thing a woman can do. I have attended thousands of home births, and many woman who have gotten pregnant through IVF. I too feel it should be shared. We are woman, and we should be proud of our bodies. We are not broken,we all just work differently. On another note, I have only seen a few previews of the show, but have not seen it. I do have to say, that sadly I feel many of these woman are not empowered enough, and I became quite disturbed when I heard Rosie herself say to a woman I don’t know why anyone would not want an epidural. They are very dangerous, and carry VERY serious risks, and not to mention,we should be empowering other woman, ” the power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you”I have attended hundreds of births where the woman barely made a sound ( even if they do that is fine and beautiful) my point isle can do it. Marsden Wagner, MD has done numerous studies on how we bond closer with our babies without drugs. They should never ever be taken away from us like they are in hospitals ( there weight will not change in an hr, I promise) I examine all babies on mamas naked chests, where they belong. The umbilical cords should not be cut right away either as the blood carries the most oxygenated blood and by not cutting it, it goes back into baby. Because of this I have never had a jaundiced baby or one with breathing issues. I urge you to look into these things. We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful,it’s that woman are strong. I also urge all my moms to read Ina May Gaskins Guide to childbirth, and see that birth is spiritual and we must embrace each other as woman and tell each other you are strong, you can do this. With so many great tools like hypnobirthing available it makes it that much easier. I too birthed my baby at home in my bathtub, candles were lit, my husband an midwife as well as my Doula stood by as I breathed my baby out into this world. Peace really does begin with birth, and we must wake up and see that our c-sec rates are higher than ever and we, the US rank lower than most countries in the birth dept. True facts. Look into Dr. marden

  3. Tenley midwife

    April 13, 2011 - 3:54 pm

    Oops, it’s me, the midwife again, my I pad cut me off….I am on a tangent, but I am so passionate about birth. Iw as saying to look into Dr. Marsden Wagners books, and read his studies, he served as the dept chair for the world health organization, and he talks about the growing problem of hospital births in our countries and provided statistics. Also, the worst way you could possibly labor is lying down in bed ( gravity, right,,, ) so if you do birth in a hospital have a Doula with you,she will advocate for you and help prevent things like inductions, which lead to horrid pain, yes I said it, pain,because with pitocin,the body has no break between surges ( contractions) with normal labor u have breaks and are able to gather yourself to prepare for the next surge,also you should always be allowed to eat healthy foods during labor ( apple, veggie soups) this gives you energy u need to push out baby, even the ACOG ( academy of obstetrics) says this is ok now. There is not a single documented case of aspiration in a woman who is properly anesthetized by today’s standards of care ( should you need an emergency c-sec) which half are not, the OB’s are too impatient to let our bodies take their natural course. With all that said, our bodies are not broken we have been birthing for millions of years. Your body knows what to do, do you know I barely even do vaginal exams during labor, how do u know when to push you ask….you just do, your body knows, and new studies show that frequent vaginal exams make you more susceptible to infection! Please woman, educate yourselves, and lets take back our births!!! PS: the name of the show is fitting, but wearing heels during pregnancy can lead to problems such as position problems ( of baby) so ladies, no heels during pregnancy, and also when people ask “who delivered your baby” don’t dare say Dr so and so, look them in the eye and say proudly, ” I delivered my baby” b/c you did, and you did all the work, I say I don’t deliver babies, I catch babies…. For the woman, A proud midwife, Tenley

  4. Tenley midwife

    April 13, 2011 - 3:55 pm

    From midwife….I posted backwards, please read my posts from bottom up, that is correct order, darn I pad!

  5. yogagrrl

    April 13, 2011 - 7:20 pm

    I just watched the two episodes of your show and loved them. I did A LOT of IVF to have my daughter and now am pregnant with twins, I tend to get frustrated with people who aren’t absolutely thrilled to be knocked up so I had to write and say I am incredibly impressed with your ability to hold it all together considering what you’ve been through. Also – if you do repeat IVF’s, which I hope you don’t have to, please consider second opinions. I did 5 with one doctor before I changed clinics and on my 7th had my daughter…8th is the twins! Sometimes your doctor makes a HUGE difference. Hang in there! I loved your show and I have so much sympathy for what you and your family are going through!

  6. AprilThompson

    April 13, 2011 - 8:19 pm

    I love your show, Rosie! Thank you so much for being so open and candid about infertility. We have a daughter and have been trying for #2 for 5 years. We’ve done 6 IUI’s and are about to start our IVF journey. I think your thoughts in your blog are about the most honest I’ve ever read regarding the subject. I can always relate! Thank you!

  7. alittlep

    April 20, 2011 - 4:54 pm

    Thank you for sharing your infertility and struggle to conceive story. I’m currently TTC#1 after a miscarriage and fearing the unknown of whether or not I can carry a child to full-term. This is a topic that most people run away from and I’m happy that you are speaking publicly.

  8. middlemarche

    April 21, 2011 - 6:52 pm

    Dear Rosie, I’m crying as I write this, because watching your show brings me back so many memories of our battle with infertility. I am so thankful that you are bravely sharing your IVF experience with America. Infertility is a struggle for many families, yet it remains a battle that many families face in secrecy. I am hopeful that millions of viewers will see your show and begin to understand what pain infertility can inflict upon a woman and her significant other. I hope that it shows women that they are not alone, that this is a journey that need not be made in secrecy or shame. I wish I had known this 4 years ago as it might have been easier to deal with the medicine and doctors and needles and loss of privacy if I felt comfortable talking about it openly. I am blessed to report that even now my 19 month old twins are waking from their nap. As they say on the baby boards, I’m sending you baby dust! May your journey end with a sweet, cuddly baby. Thank you so much for sharing this difficult time in your life.

  9. KateHollifield

    April 24, 2011 - 8:26 pm

    I just wanted to thank you for your candidness when talking about your struggle with pregnancy. I am 23 years old and have been married for almost 2 years. My husband and I always thought that we would wait around 5 years before we had children so that we could travel and be ‘us’. We recently found out that if we are going to have children, then we need to have them soon. I have Crohn’s disease, and the doctors told me that if we ever plan to have children, we need to start planning now. For my body to conceive, over the next three years I will have to treat my body as if it were carrying a child: super strict pre-natal diet, vitamins, and exercise. After two full years they will try to take me off medication and then I get to try and conceive. I applaud you for being so open about something that most people just don’t understand. I know my situation isn’t the same as yours, but I feel a kinship because already I am being asked why we won’t just adopt. I can’t seem to make people understand that I want this intimate experience between my husband, myself, and our unborn children. So cheers to you Rosie for sharing your story. You’re a gem.

  10. lmog47

    April 24, 2011 - 11:49 pm

    To be completely honest, I almost didn’t watch the show because it centered around pregnant women, which is a topic I tend to avoid lately. After having watched the first episode, I was hooked and absolutely adore you. Your candidness in regards to infertility/IVF were both heartbreaking and a breath of fresh air. In the past three years my husband and I have tried everything except IVF, which we are starting in the next couple months. I truly appreciate your honestly and guts for discussing it so openly.

  11. Love Your Mother

    April 25, 2011 - 3:32 pm

    Hi, Rosie! I have to join the others before me and send a heartfelt “thank you” for sharing your infertility story with the world! I, too, have suffered pregnancy losses in my quest to become a mother, and I was disheartened to find this all-too-common phenomena is rarely discussed in the media, among families, and most surprisingly, among girlfriends. In speaking with other women in my situation, I found we belong to a shy, tentative cadre… clinging to each step in the process from start to finish, rarely breaking away from pregnancy’s sometimes-sterile beginnings, moving with trepidation from one benchmark to the next until baby’s arrival… never really embracing and enjoying the rare gift of pregnancy! In this light, my “Love Your Mother” line was born. Thank you for bringing the trials of infertility and IVF to the masses with such honesty and candor! You are a true gem and champion for us all ~ Christine Tees for Two Activewear http://www.teesfortwo.us Newport, RI

  12. gabes_human

    April 27, 2011 - 5:01 am

    I am amazed at some of these women! What world do they live in? I too am a midwife and had 3 of my 4 babies at home. From the moment they were born, they were placed in my arms and were 100% MY responsibility. My toddler sat in my lap until his sister was crowning and I absolutely had to lie down. How do you keep your cool when the moms-to-be say that their homes will be perfectly neat, they do not cook, and their grooming will be picture perfect? Do younever have a mom who wants a home birth or no epidural?

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