Mommy Maven: Are Those Crazy Therapies Really That Crazy?

I love poring through a good gossip mag just as much as the next person, and occasionally find myself thinking about some odd celebrity tidbit long after I’ve finished up the latest installment of “Celebs: They’re Just Like Us!” For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the recent report by Star Magazine that Angelina Jolie practices a bizarre form of therapy known as “primal scream therapy”. Of course Star Magazine took the whole expose a bit far and went on to detail the various other ways in which the Pitt-Jolie clan is decidedly not “Just Like Us!” but for some reason, the scream thing stuck in my head. And instead of thinking “what an odd, odd family/mom/celebrity!!” I instead started thinking about how, perhaps, with 4 little children and a more-than-full-time job, I could use a bit of this screaming business myself! (after all, haven’t we all had the urge to hide ourselves in the closet/laundry room/car and just scream away the stress?!)

Always one for a new approach to stress relief, I thought I would take a peek at the various other strange therapies I’ve come across in my gossip mag perusing and see how Angie’s stacks up. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s actually the most reasonable of the bunch!):

(1) Scream Therapy

Although there are tons of nuances to the exact practice, the basic premise is that screaming without abandon, like a primal caveman, releases tension in our basic systems and allows us to examine why, exactly, the urge to scream is there. Being underwater is just a way to mask the noise (and not scare the children!). As I’ve said before, a good solo scream/cry session can do anyone good (and is much better than bottling up and taking it out on our family) so I say go for it!

(2) Baby-Swinging Yoga

When the YouTube videos first surfaced of a tanned, beachy woman swinging a little babe with abandon all about, it caused an immediate stir. And rightfully so! We are taught to be so careful with our little ones that the video was almost impossible to watch. Practitioners claim that it helps babies develop a number of desirable traits, from early mobility to enhanced self-awareness. But I just cannot get behind any therapy that could put a baby at risk (imagine if you lose your grip?!), so I must advise that you skip this one.

(3) Cupping

This therapy occasionally pops up in the public view whenever a starlet is spotted with the tell-tale suction marks on their back. I’ve never done it, but from what I understand it is intended to move energy around the body to relieve everything from headaches, to cosmetic problems, to depression. It does have the benefit of being thousands of years old, and shares some similarities with acupuncture, which has been shown to have real health benefits for the treatment of chronic pain []. But it isn’t cheap – usually about the same price as a massage would be. So while you should by all means go for it, I would always opt for a lovely relaxing Swedish massage instead.

(4) OneTaste – Orgasmic Meditation

I’m blushing just writing the name of this therapy down. I don’t think I can bring myself to actually type what it consists of (for a full detail, see here) but whoa, boy, I do NOT see myself signing up for this anytime soon!! I’m also extremely opposed to any therapy that would have married or attached couples engaging in something of this sort with someone who is not their partner – I firmly believe intimacy like this should be reserved for that relationship. But I suppose, if you are unattached, and this is your sort of thing, then maybe go for it…but I don’t think my British ears can handle any more reports!

So I guess I’m saying give Ange a break – I mean she is basically just doing a glorified version of screaming in the shower, except in what I imagine is a much nicer, ridiculously massive, possibly outdoor heated pool! And just because we need to scream in the shower doesn’t make us bad parents, in fact it just makes us human!  So scream away.