The Right Time to Announce A Pregnancy? Well, That Depends

When is the right time to tell people about your pregnancy? Twelve weeks? Eight weeks? I recently read an incredibly heartbreaking article written by a woman who wishes she hadn’t waited to share her pregnancy news at all. The author, Bee Rowlatt, had thought it would be best to keep her fourth pregnancy under wraps until the “recommended” time of twelve weeks—but her pregnancy didn’t even last that long. She writes of the joy she felt seeing the little blue line that told her she was pregnant but goes on to say that “Then, eight weeks later, the worst happened. There we were, gripping hands in a darkened hospital room having the 12-week scan . . . The minuscule beat that had throbbed so heartily during the previous check-up was nowhere to be seen. ‘Please check again,’ I begged the technician. ‘Just one more time.’ I was praying for a miracle, willing the tiny cluster of cells to start beating again. They didn’t. The pregnancy was over. Before I’d even gone public, my private joy was snatched away.”

Reading those words practically brought me to tears, because not only do I know the pain of miscarriage, I also know how hard it is to not have your whole community rallying around you when you’re going through something so devastating. Here you are, suffering an unimaginable loss, but chances are your boss has no idea that you’re grieving or why you may need a day or two off work. Your friends might be annoyed that you’re canceling your usual Sunday brunch—and when you’re going through something so hard, it can seem like such an insurmountable task to first explain that you were pregnant, and then to explain that you are not pregnant any longer.

So is it best to just tell everyone about your pregnancy right away? Is the idea of waiting to share the news until the risk of miscarriage is lower outdated? Not necessarily. As with almost everything else involving pregnancy and parenthood, you’ve got to do what you think will be best for you and your family. If you are the kind of person who prefers to deal with incredibly difficult times with only your partner and possibly your immediate family—and you couldn’t possibly bear dealing with condolences on a miscarriage from the neighbors or friendly coworkers—then by all means keep your tiny baby bump under wraps until the chances of miscarriage are far less (10-12 weeks). However, if you’re someone who needs a lot of support from your extended crew when things get rough, it might not be a bad idea at all to let everyone in on your news right from the start.

I know it’s horrible to think about the possibility of a miscarriage when you’ve gotten the happy news that you’re pregnant, and I by no means suggest freaking out about this (this should be a time of celebration!) but it is important to recognize that miscarriage is real and that between 10-12 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in that way. So, give some thought to who you’re going to tell about your pregnancy and when. There’s no right or wrong answer, but talk it over with your partner and then do what feels right for you. After all, when you’re caring for yourself and doing what’s right for you, you’re also caring for your babe to be—which is the first step to being a wonderful parent.