What I Didn’t Know About Co-Sleeping Safety

If there’s ever been a hot topic in parenting, it’s co-sleeping. Whether or not to bed share with your infant is a huge subject of debate, with the attachment parenting camp arguing that co-sleeping leads to better sleep and a stronger bond between baby and mom, while many members of the medical community say it’s too dangerous and should never be done.

So what should you believe? Could it really be that dangerous to take a quick cuddly nap with baby in your bed? What if it was just on the couch, without all the sheets and blankets—just you and the little one? As a mom who’s never shared my bed with any of my babies, but  will fully admit that I’ve dozed off a time or two  (or twelve) in my nursing chair holding my wee ones over the years, and had always thought, “Eh, what’s the harm just this once—this feeling is too precious!,” I thought it was time to do some deep digging and figure out just how dangerous or safe co-sleeping really is.

Some studies show that babies who co-sleep tend to cry less in the night, forge stronger bonds with their parents, and are more emotionally stable later in life than babies who sleep in their own crib. Those seem like pretty strong arguments for cuddling up with your little one for a cozy nap or long night’s sleep—until you hear the facts about the link between co-sleeping and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which is the leading cause of death for infants over one month old.

I was shocked when I learned that nearly 75 percent of deaths in infants under four months occurred in a co-sleeping situation, and that that number remained high at nearly 60 percent in babies four months to one year old. Experts say that the pillows, blankets, and soft mattress in your bed can lead to suffocation or overheating of your baby, and that there’s additional risk of you or your partner smothering your infant, or of the baby falling out of the bed. But what about the couch? Surely that must be safer, right? Turns out, no. The couch is even more dangerous than the bed, with couch co-sleeping raising your baby’s risk of death by 50 percent. And even most nursing chairs are unsafe for sharing a nap as well, since the large majority of them are upholstered and nicely cushioned for maximum comfort. All that coziness could lead to a co-sleeping crisis. So, unless you’ve got an old-fashioned bare-wood rocking chair without padding (and those might be hard to fall asleep in anyway!) you really may want to rethink your mommy & me snoozefests. Of course there are always the parents who will tell you, “Well, I co-slept with our daughter, and she’s fine!,” and you could co-sleep with your child and they might well be fine, but the fact is, the risk is larger with co-sleeping, and if tragedy struck in my family, I’m not sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself, especially now that I know all the facts.

If you are looking to max out on sweet baby sleep time (and I can’t blame you for wanting to), just hold her when she’s sleeping, but you’re awake. You’ll make precious memories and know that you’re doing the safest and best thing for your little one’s future. In the meantime, if you want to be close to your wee one, try setting up baby’s crib (no bumpers, no blankets, no pillows—just a firm mattress and a fitted sheet!) in your room to increase your bond without putting your family’s newest addition in danger. You’ve worked so hard to bring her into the world, and I know you want to do everything you can to protect her and give her a happy, healthy life.