Don’t Take All Those Labor and Delivery Stories Too Seriously!

When you’re close to giving birth for the first time, it’s only natural to want to know what labor and delivery will be like—how it will feel, how much it will hurt, how long it will take, and what (if anything!) can help you get through it easier. And after you’ve been in the maternity ward trenches, it’s pretty common to want to share your experience with other moms-to-be so they can go in with eyes wide open to what may happen when it’s go time. Birth stories have always served as a way for women to share information and wisdom about baby’s big day, but a new study shows that moms might not actually be painting a super accurate picture of the process.

The study, published in Psychological Science, showed that new mothers tend to best remember the moment of highest intensity of labor and the moment of actual birth above everything else—meaning that women who were in labor for only a handful of hours, but who experienced even just two moments of high amounts of pain will remember their experience as being more difficult than women who went through an incredibly drawn-out labor with medium pain remaining steady throughout.

This just goes to show that every story, every experience, is in the eye of the beholder, and that as an expecting mom-to-be, it’s best to take every birth story you hear with at least a tiny grain of salt. I’m not saying that giving birth is a walk in the park (it’s not!) but only that you shouldn’t let someone else’s horror story freak you out too much. Just like any other aspect of parenthood, every birth is different and every woman’s experience of it is unique—both physically and emotionally.

And if you are truly afraid of giving birth, I highly recommend asking your doctor for a hospital tour so she can walk you through where you’ll be, which medical staff may be in the room, and what is likely to happen and in what order. Being able to visualize the whats and wheres of the big day can help you feel a bit more in control and  put your mind just a little more at ease.