Ever Felt Bullied Over Breastfeeding?

If you’re a mom, or have ever even thought about being one, you’ve probably heard (and possibly even told a few other parents!) that “breast is best” when it comes to feeding your baby. Breastfeeding has become almost a hallmark for good parenting, with everyone from the lactation consultant at the hospital to mommy groups across the country not only singing the praises of nursing (of which there are many!), but practically insisting that it’s the only healthy option for little ones.

The good news is that all of this word of mouth has brought breastfeeding rates to an all time high in our country. The CDC tallies up annual “report cards” on breastfeeding and the numbers just keep going up. The not so great news is that what some see as a helpful nudge toward nursing sometimes comes across as oppressive pressure, needlessly vilifying moms who need to use formula as if they’re committing child abuse. I like to make sure that all the moms I work with are educated about breastfeeding, but the fact is that there are many personal reasons why a mom might use formula, and they shouldn’t have to be explained or justified to the world. Why am I so riled  up about this right now? Well, I read an incredibly smart and honest article in the Washington Post by Emily Wax-Thibodeaux, called, “Why I Don’t Breastfeed, If You Must Know,” and it practically brought me to tears.

Longer story much shorter, Emily is a breast cancer survivor who underwent a double mastectomy and was unsure she’d ever be able to have children. Years later, after a healthy pregnancy and birth, this brave mother was essentially bullied by nurses in the maternity ward, and then later by other women in her mommy and me yoga class over using formula to feed her babe. Emily physically cannot produce breast milk, and the thought of her having to defend how she’s caring for her little one  pains me greatly. It’s just so wrong that in today’s society most people wouldn’t dare to interfere with a mom who’s yelling at her children at the supermarket, yet many of those same people wouldn’t hesitate to approach a stranger or an acquaintance to tell her that she should be breastfeeding instead of bottle feeding. Where are our priorities? Are these random “breastfeeding ambassadors” actually making a difference in educating other moms, or are they just making other women feel bad? Confidence is key in parenting, and it’s awesome to be so confident in your choice and ability to breastfeed, but we as moms should be working to cheer each other on and boost each other’s confidence, not tear each other down.

I can’t make it clear enough that breastfeeding has been a cherished part of my bonding experience with my wee ones, and that I think the world of the sensitive, knowledgable lactation consultants I’ve worked with and have referred so many of my clients to, but breastfeeding bullying takes things too far. Nursing is such a special experience, and the benefits of breast milk are wonderful, but it’s not the best option for every family—even if they are physically capable of breastfeeding. In an interview with Forbes magazine, Scott Krugman, MD, chairman of the Department of Pediatrics at MedStar Franklin Square Medical Center in Baltimore, and President of the Maryland Chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics, may have said it best: “If you have a mother who is depressed and frustrated with breastfeeding, but happy and healthy with formula, then that’s better. It’s not about just the nutritional content of what you’re feeding a baby, it’s the whole environment the child’s in . . . You’re not poisoning your baby by giving her formula. And you’ve got to have a sane mother or you’ll have an anxious, colicky baby which we know is not healthy either.”

So put the brakes on the judgment train and live and let live when it comes to breastfeeding. You never know the full story when it comes to other families and their needs. Let’s start looking for the things we share in common instead of the differences between us, and celebrate the love we give to our little ones every day.