The Secret to Better Parenting: It’s Simpler Than You Think!

The rules of parenting that you’ll hear at your local playground, in your mommy group, from experts, and in books are constantly changing—and more often than not, they just make this whole being-a-parent thing more and more complicated. If you’ve ever thought, “My kid won’t ever get into a good school if I can’t get him into this toddler art appreciation class!” or convinced yourself that your child will eventually spend decades seeing a very expensive therapist because you had to work late one Thursday night and weren’t there to tuck her in, it’s probably time to take a step back, take a deep breath, and rethink what kind of parent you want to be. If you want to be frazzled, stressed, overextended, and constantly worried that you’re somehow screwing something up, then keep on doing what you’re doing, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how any of you want to feel!

Pamela Druckerman recently wrote a wonderful, if probably controversial op-ed in the New York Times about the hyper-parenting trend and how unhelpful it is for parents and children alike. Among her tips for bringing a bit more calm into your life as a parent, she suggests taking time off once in a while and allowing your kiddos to attend birthday parties and other events on their own, and making sure you get enough sleep so you don’t lose your cool when dealing with your children—but I think the most important thing she has to say is this, “Don’t bother obsessing about what you think you are doing wrong.”

There are so many important things to know about parenting, like how much to feed your babe, when to take her to the doctor, and how tohelp her sleep safely, but other than a few key facts that can help you keep your little one healthy and happy, there seriously are no rules as long as you love them and do your best to keep them out of harm’s way. The secret to better (and more joyful!) parenting is actually so simple—and it’s called confidence. When you stop worrying about being perfect in everything you do and start celebrating the awesome, imperfect, real life you have with your family, you’ll see just how much easier everything gets.

Being authentic with myself, my children, my husband, and my friends isn’t always super easy. Have I been tempted to say those perfect cupcakes I picked up at the bakery were made by yours truly? Of course I have! I’ve also been tempted to tell Daron that “Everything’s fine!” when I’ve had a very hard day of meetings only to get home and have two sick babes throw up on me, while a third is crying because she can’t find her lovey. But I’ve really tried to step away from the pressure  to be perfect, and I’ve actually found life to be . . . more fun and manageable! Telling a fellow mom that my try at homemade cupcakes practically ended up in flames in the oven lead to a wonderful afternoon bonding over kitchen disasters, and a much deeper friendship. Telling my husband that I need maybe ten minutes to myself just to breathe and unwind before diving right into everything at home helps him understand what I’m actually capable of at the moment, and gives me a chance to cool down so that I don’t have a meltdown of my own.

It takes confidence let go of the idea of perfection and to tune out all the “rules” that your mommy group might be spouting out, but it’s that confidence that will guide you to be the very best mom you can possibly be.