How To Raise Thankful Kids

You know what we, as parents, should be super thankful for right now? Thanksgiving is still a couple weeks away! That means more time to sort out whose family dinner to go to or what side dishes you want on your own table—but it also means more time to teach your kids about thankfulness and gratitude, which isn’t always easy!

Here’s the thing: As a parent, it’s your job to make your children feel secure and safe, to show them that you are there for them and on their side—that’s why it’s fairly easy for littler kids to take some things (like you making their dinner or reading them yet another bedtime story) for granted. So, if they aren’t saying how much they appreciate you running their bath or driving them to preschool, it’s not because you’ve got a pint-sized brat on your hands, it’s just because you’re doing a good job at providing for your child.

That said, there are things you can do to help your child be more thankful and to show gratitude for the nice things people do for them. Here are a few simple Dos and Don’ts that might be helpful:

DO: Set an example! Thank your partner for making your breakfast. Thank your neighbor for having you over for playtime. Thank your mother for taking time to Facetime with you and your little one. The more your children see you saying thank you, the more they will start to model your behavior and express their own gratitude. Pretty soon, you just might get a thank you after your third round of Goodnight Moon!

DON’T: Cause a scene. Yelling at your child to say thank you or publicly humiliating them for not immediately saying “thank you” will only equate thankfulness with punishment in their mind. She’ll never want to say thank you if you approach it that way! Besides, gratitude is an expression of love, and it shouldn’t be given begrudgingly. Instead, calmly set ground rules with older children, who can sometimes be stubborn or act out to get attention. Tell them that they need to be polite and say thank you, and that you’ll wait patiently until they’ve done so. They will get tired, they will want to go home (or return to their video games/friends/soccer games), but creating an effective time-out to get your child to think through why they should be giving thanks will almost always lead to a thank you in the end—and little by little, they’ll start to do it automatically.

DO: Explain what went into the acts of kindness she’s encountered. Let’s say your Mother In Law brought over some fresh baked treats for the family. Instead of just telling your child to say “thank you,” gently help her understand that her grandmother spent a whole day finding the right recipe, going to the store for the ingredients, and then finally spent a long time baking at home just so she could bring those cookies. Then ask, “Wasn’t that nice of her?” You’ll almost definitely hear a big “Yes!,” and that’s when you should explain how to thank Grandma for her thoughtfulness.

DON’T: Put your child on the spot in a high-pressure situation, and then ask them, “What do you say?!” with all eyes on them. Little kids can freak out under pressure (and, achem, adults can, too!), so help them out. If they wanted to say thank you, but then they freeze up when the opportunity arises, remind them of what they wanted to say, and then help them with cues. We all need a little coaching now and then!

DO: Make gratitude a part of your family’s life. When your kids are of school age, they can start to understand deeper contexts of their actions and can start to understand how lucky they are to have the things they have. Reinforce this by collecting a charity basket of Thanksgiving foods to donate to your local soup kitchen or place of worship (have them help you do the charity shopping), and at the holidays, take older children to sign up for Letters to Santa through the U.S. Postal Service. Together, you can read letters from underprivileged children and can then shop for gifts that you think those children would like. It’s a fun holiday tradition, and one that teaches your children both thankfulness, and that they have the power to make the world a better place. How cool is that?