Let’s Talk About Transgender Children

Transgender Children

Transgender issues have really taken the spotlight recently—with everyone from Laverne Cox (love!) making headlines to Bruce Jenner reportedly being in talks to have a reality show follow his gender transformation. I have been thinking a lot about gender identity, and actually identity in general—and what I might do or how I might feel if one of my children told me they felt like they were trapped in the wrong body. The truth is, I am not sure what I think, other than I have absolutely no idea about what it must feel like to go through something like that—to feel like you’re trapped, to feel like you can’t be who you truly are. I can’t actually imagine how difficult and painful that must be, because I’ve never lived it, and I feel terrible that we need to keep people in boxes that feel safe or normal to us.

That brings me to the adorable child of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt—born Shiloh, but preferring to be called John. I’m not sure if John identifies as a he or a she, but what does seem apparent from photos is that John seems to be one happy, adorable child. Why should we as the general public criticize Angelina and Brad for “allowing” their child to identify the way he/she feels comfortable? Of course gender identity is a much bigger thing, and I’m not trying to trivialize anything, but I have changed my style and my hair and many more things a gazillion times in the last decades (I remember thinking Nicole would be far far better than Rosie…it was a saucy French name at the time…imagine it in an accent in France!).  My point is that if this child wants to be called Shiloh or John or anything else for that matter—who cares? Is it hurting anyone? No! Would it hurt this little one to continue to be called Shiloh when that’s not what feels right and genuine? Possibly! We should all be loved for who we are deep down, and we should love our children for who they really are—even if who they are doesn’t match up with who we thought they might be. Life isn’t black and white—we don’t fit neatly into little boxes, as much as we might want to.

I have learned there is a range of everything in life from sexuality to politics and parenting tactics. It’s a rainbow and wouldn’t the world be less beautiful less colorful if we were all seeing it through indigo glasses?! Would I be a bit sad if my child wanted to change their gender or was dealing with an identity issue that meant they might encounter conflict in their life? Yes I would. That’s my honest answer. Not because I would love them any less but because I would be scared of the extra pain they may go through with people being mean and judgmental. But more than sad, I think I would be proud that my child had a strong enough sense of self to know who they are, especially if that was different from what people think of as “normal,” and I’d be so proud and filled with love that they trusted me to be by their side as they navigate the challenges they might face.

Parenting is full of fears and the one resounding theme is we want our kids to be happy. Well we should want others kids to be happy too so I think we stop judging and start accepting, and even celebrate. All children should have the support and courage they need to be who they want to be, who they need to be. I am sure we can all agree forcing someone to pretend to be someone else never ends up in happiness.