Dad Diaries: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad

By Ian Malbin

“Should I just ask her? No, can’t. Too forward. A compliment? No way – that would go so wrong so fast. Maybe I should get her something first, a drink perhaps? No, that’s weak, what can I offer – a warmish juice box? A half drank, partly cloudy Poland Spring? No, that’s awful. Come on. Think. There’s gotta be a way. There’s gotta be something – some sort of “in” before I take the plunge. But gotta be very careful here. Gotta tread lightly. Likely only got 1 shot at this…”

A Day in the Life of Stay-at-Home Dad

No, it’s not what you think. That’s not me trying to figure out the best way to approach a girl at a bar; it is, however, me trying to figure out the best way to approach her at the park! You see, the girl in question is not some 20 something coed barhopping on the lower east side, but a stay-at-home mom of 3 who likely has more in common with me than she knows, with one slight difference – I also stay at home with 3 kids, but I’m not a mom. I’m a dad. And although the circumstances have changed quite a bit since some of those earlier encounters, the players have remained the same. That is to say, that the guy/girl dynamic we dealt with back then is still very much in play today.

It shouldn’t be hard: “Hey, cute kid. How old is he? Oh that’s great, my son too, etc etc…” Yet as we both stood there watching our kids play so nicely together and getting along so great, I tried to decide the best course of action. A drink? Just kidding, well half-kidding. Because it’s just different. It could be minimal, but its there – that slight difference versus some other easy, mom-to-mom chit chat – that need for an icebreaker, that unspoken guy/girl stuff just hanging around. That look. Plus, she won’t say it, but she’s kind of thinking it: what’s his deal? Why is he home with the kids? Why is he not at work? Did he lose his job? Oh no! He’s a loser! Leave us alone!

Obviously I am exaggerating to make a point, but not terribly. I guess what I’m trying to say is that of course after you get to know someone even a little, all of that extra noise goes away, but until that happens it’s an uphill battle for a stay-at-home dad. Even the simplest things like trying to setup a playdate: look, don’t get weird, but when I ask you for your number later its because I think our kids will play well together, not us!

I’ve been home with the kids since my oldest was 16 months (she’s about 6 1/2 now), so I’ve seen some stuff: from all the Mommy and Me’s (where it was the mommies on one side of the room and me on the other!), to the preschool new mom’s tea party (I mean, are you kidding me?), to a lunch date with a mom I became friends with where her husband was menacingly texting me the entire time (true story!). Each of those is a tale in itself, but I’ll save them for a different day.

Tags: childcare, dad diaries, play dates, stay-at-home dad