Myth v. Fact: What Sex After Baby Is Really Like

It’s one of the first things your doctor talks about after you’ve delivered your baby—and it’s one of the last things on your mind: having sex after baby for the first time postpartum. As they send you on your way they will almost certainly say: “No intercourse for 6 weeks”, as if you had getting back in the sack ahead of getting back into your jeans! Because your focus is pulled in a variety of new directions, and maybe even because you just finished moving something out of your vagina, or “Your Queen Victoria” as we like to say over at RP HQ, the idea of something going back in can understandably be quite terrifying. Besides many will tell you (if you can actually get them to share), that Sex after Baby is a less than saucy experience and felt more like the first first time if you know what we mean. Yes ladies, Sex for the first time after your baby is born can be painful but as with many things in pregnancy and motherhood the frightening myths out there are far scarier than the not-so-scary reality behind them.

No.1

Myth: The four-to-six week wait time is just a recommendation.

Fact: It’s not a recommendation, it’s a guideline, and it’s one you want to follow. Here’s why.

The timeframe your doctor gives you for having sex after birth is necessary for several reasons. It allows for your cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop, and an episiotomy or perineal tears to heal. You risk infection by having sex before your uterus and other wounds have time to heal. And needless to say, your body needs to recover from the changes it spent 40 weeks working towards. Don’t feel badly about taking this time, or pressure to cut it short.

No.2

Myth: You’ll never feel like having sex ever again.

Fact: You will feel like having sex again…it may just take awhile.

In addition to the ways your body needs to heal, you need to get used to the way your body is now. You’re likely experiencing vaginal dryness thanks to hormonal changes (especially if you are breastfeeding). This adds a level of discomfort during sex. Then there is the sleep deprivation that comes with having a newborn. Nothing kills the mood faster than falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. Top it off with a body that is like nothing you have experienced before and your breasts, well lets just say its complicated, and you almost certainly don’t want someone grabbing at them unless its your baby… Just remember, these things are temporary. Don’t let them get you down, or hold you back.

No.3

Myth: You have to have sex four to six weeks after baby.

Fact: Timing is everything, and only you can determine when you’re up for getting down to business.

It’s not just a question of whether you’re physically ready. Hormonal changes leave you feeling weepy one minute, joy-filled the next. Taking time to make sure your head’s in the game will help ensure the experience is as painless as possible. Having said that, don’t take so much time off that you start to psych yourself out. The sooner you get the first time past you, the quicker your sex life will get back to a great place.

No.4

Myth: There is nothing sexy about sex after baby.

Fact: Sex after baby isn’t the sexiest—and that’s OK. Here’s why.

What Rosie hears a lot when she talks to women about sex after baby is their fears about body image and concern that their husbands won’t find them desirable. “Truthfully, a woman’s body image is more in her mind, confidence is sexy. You can have a great body but if you are insecure and negative about it, it’s not as sexy as someone who is,” says Rosie. “For men, sex after baby is about satisfying an urge.  I’ll probably get in trouble for saying that, but its true! It’s been a while for them, and they aren’t recovering from a physical trauma, and their hormones aren’t wildly fluctuating. Remember, ladies, you’re nice for letting this happen. You don’t need to model lingerie unless that’s your thing. Turn off the lights if you want to, whatever gives you the confidence you deserve. For guys, the expectation isn’t that they’re going to be having sex with their pre-pregnancy wife, they just want to have sex!”

No.5

Myth: Your vagina is ruined and sex will never be enjoyable again.

Fact: Your vagina needs time to heal, but you and your partner likely won’t feel any difference.

Will your vagina be the same after birth? While it has the elasticity to expand for baby, it has the ability to recoil for life post-pregnancy. With time it should (very closely) return to its original structure. Will your partner notice a difference? It’s unlikely, unless you experienced a significant birth trauma. You may be happy to know there is something you can do to help your vagina return to its original state quicker: Kegel exercises. When you feel up to it, do Kegels (squeeze your pelvic floor like you are stopping the flow of urine mid-stream and hold for ten seconds) for five minutes, three times a day. I know a few of you rolled your eyes, but truthfully for more than just sex, doing Kegel exercises is a brilliant idea.

We want to hear from you mamas (and soon-to-be mamas)—what are your biggest fears about getting back in the sack? What helped? Share your comments @RosiePope on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram