I’m Ready to Have Sex After Baby, Now What?

A discussion amongst friends here at Rosie Pope revealed how frequently the words “scared,” “traumatized,” and “quivering mess” are tossed about when this topic arises. So much of it seems to stem from the fact that this isn’t a subject often talked about, and a lot of the fear lies in the unknown. What we found is that a little knowledge goes a long way (this is a case where ignorance is definitely not bliss), and a glass of champagne is a good idea (even better: a shot of tequila). You already know what to expect the first time back in the sack  and you have decided (kind of) that you are ready to have sex (it’s a good thing, we promise!). Here’s what you can do to make the most of the experience or at least get it done and then makes the most of the next time, and the next and the next!

Have “the Talk”

You’d be in the minority if you didn’t have concerns about sex after baby. The best thing you can do for yourself: air them with your partner. He can’t adapt to your needs if he doesn’t know what they are. And try to laugh about it. It’ll alleviate tension and set you both up for getting in the right mood. Remember, he isn’t sure either, a lot has happened since the last time you had sex!

Decide Now About Birth Control

You haven’t had to think about it in almost a year, so it may not be top of mind, but if you don’t want to find yourself back in the delivery room in 40 weeks, then you want to use some form of birth control. While breastfeeding exclusively can also be a form of birth control, it is not something you should rely on until you have fully consulted your doctor and the right experts and follow their guidelines, accepting that it is not guaranteed. Your doctor will discuss the form of contraception that makes the most sense for you at your 6-week postpartum visit.

Level Set Expectations

Rosie’s general rule: the more you have sex after baby, the better it gets. “We tend to be tense, nervous, worried about that first time—basically the opposite of what we’re supposed to be and feel like when we have sex. Recognize it isn’t going to be the best, but it’s going to get better and better every time.”

Make a Date of It

Physically and mentally you can feel ready—but if you’re nervous that the baby will start crying while you’re in the middle of getting busy, you’re not going to be able to enjoy yourself. If planning something special like a date night or night out at a hotel helps you relax, then do it. However, if that feels like too much pressure make it as casual as you need to.

Not Like a Virgin

This isn’t your first rodeo, and that’s a good thing. You’ve got moves—be prepared to use them. And if they aren’t working for you, be prepared to try something new. Everything is going to feel different. Experiment with positions to find what works best now. If ever you were going to enjoy some good foreplay, this is the time. It’ll help ease tension you might be holding in your body.

The Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself

The most frequent piece of advice we hear on this subject: use lubrication—and use a lot of it. That vaginal dryness we mentioned in our Myth v. Fact post? It’s a result of low estrogen and it can make sex quite uncomfortable. Rest assured, like all the other changes you’re dealing with, this too shall pass.

For more on Sex After Baby watch Rosie on Youtube in Conversations With Rosie (we promise it will make you smile):