Loafers or Sex? What Dads Really Want for Father’s Day
Guest post by Ian Malbin
Power tools, neckties, wallets, money clips, fancy pens, golf clubs, golf shirts, golf shoes, golf balls, golf gloves, blah, blah, blah. Yet theres more; don’t forget the home-mades – which are so sweet – I just don’t think I have any more wall space in my closet for another macaroni frame; nor do I think it would be easy to find an occasion to actually wear that super trendy “worlds best dad” tie. When it comes to dads, simple is always best. So the question this Father’s Day is what do dads really want? While most of those things would probably be pretty nice, and the crafts are obviously priceless, let’s be honest – its not what we truly want.
So we took a poll. We asked a varying group of 30 guys. We said to them: “Give us three things you want for Father’s Day, any three thing. They can be gifts, or a trip, or it can be some quality time with the family. It can be anything.”
The results were very telling, and we’re excited to share them with you.
As it turns out, men aren’t very complicated beings, nor are we very different from each other. From women – well that’s another blog entirely. That whole Mars/Venus thing? Seems like that guy may have been onto something. Back to dads though; I was saying before that simple is always best when it comes to us.
So what do dads really want? The data has the answers, and here are some take-aways:
Dad #17 (3 kids, ages 3-11): “You know I love my family right? More than anything. But when I wake up, I don’t want to see another living soul until dinner… then I’d like to eat some sushi…then have sex.”
Dad #8 (2 kids, ages 3 & 5): “I want to go on a long hike, just me and the dog, then come back to no nagging…maybe then go play golf or tennis…then steaks.”
Dad #3 (2 kids, ages 6 & 9): “I’d like to get up early and go fishing by myself…come back, have sex…then eat grilled fish.”
Dad #22 (3 kids, ages 4-9): “Leave me the *&#@% alone…vodka…chicken parm.”
Does anybody see a theme developing here?
Dad #24 (2 kids, ages 3 & 6: “She’ll probably get me a shirt, which I will tell her I love, even though I’ll *&#@%-ing hate it.”
Dad #27 (4 kids, ages 1 1/2 (twins)-7: “A gun.”
Dad #10 (2 kids, ages 5 & 8): “A weekend away with Lamar Odom…chicken parm.”
Dad #4 (3 kids, ages 1 & 6: “I want to sleep until 11, have sex, then more sex.”
Wow, Neanderthal much? I mean, yikes. Look, I’m a guy so I have heard it all, but even I think some of these answers are a bit aggressive. However, you can’t argue with science! So let’s break it down.
The top three Father’s Day desires are: 1. Sex (97%) 2. Alone time (90%) 3. Food (83%)
Obviously. If you know us well enough, you know that’s pretty much all we think about. So if we get to have one day that’s ours where we can ask for anything we want, naturally sex came in as the clear winner. A total of 97% (thats 29 out of 30 for those of you keeping score at home) of respondents said that given the choice of getting anything in the world, they would choose sex over that expensive pair of loafers you spotted at the mall. Hey, I’m sure they were really nice, probably suede or something, maybe a gold buckle. Here’s the thing though: it doesn’t matter. If you showed us a picture of them we would likely agree that they were nice and could possibly agree that they would look great with the chinos and button-down you bought us last year for Father’s Day and the year before, but that doesn’t mean we want you to put them in a box, wrap them up and give them to us on a day when we can have anything. Keep it simple.
2. Alone Time
This pretty much speaks for itself. We all love our kids more than anything, but we are just wired differently. 27 out of 30 guys said that if they could do anything for an entire Father’s Day, some or most of that day would be spent doing something completely by themselves. For some context, of the three men that didn’t choose “alone time”, two of them had only one kid, and one had only a newborn, so they are likely still on the low end of the stress spectrum.
Hello? before the poll, it would have been easy to predict that the desire for a good meal would make its way into the top three, because besides sex, food is right up there with what we think about the most. 25 guys said they wanted to eat well that day, with chicken parm a surprising 2nd to the most common answer, steaks. The way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach.
There you have it. The next time you are standing there contemplating that perfect gift for the perfect dad, stop for a second, close your eyes and try to think like us. Ask yourself, what would he really want? Don’t get us what you think we want. Better yet, don’t get us what you want us to want. We know you want us to want to have those shoes you love, so we tell you we love them, but we don’t. It’s not in our nature. I only asked 30 guys, yet I think I can confidently say that if you asked 1,000 more, or a million, or the entire male population on planet earth, the percentages would more or less hold up. I mean, what do you think most guys would say given the choice of loafers or sex? I thought so. Like I said, it’s simple.
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